Seems like my life is looking up.

I try not to depend on people for my own happiness but since these people are apart of my life why not? I've been having an amazing time at work. Like I guess thats school for me since I graduated already. I mean i've noticed how I like Justin, how much fun I have when he's there. Then my "wihete best friend" Austin, I swear like I have like thee best time ..like we laugh and talk about everybody.

Keith asked me to be his best friend, I said no. Simple fact is I want to be with him. Its crazy because he's so far away.

My life is getting better, best believe.

Im going to stay positive regardless, and let the bullshit fly.

It's Finally September !!

So it's officially September ..I dunno wheather to be happy or what because it seems like everything is slowly falling apart. Seems like Shaunta is the only one thats trying to stay happy for my sake. My mom and I aren't talking.  She turnt my phone off ..therefor I told the guy I wouldnt be able to talk to him and if it's meant to be then we'll talk again. All he said was 'OK' .. So when I get my new phone, I hope I ferget his number. Fuck him! My sister and I got into it. I've reached a point in my life where it only matters if im happy.

Fuck Everybody and thats exactly how I feel at this point, no lie. Like everybody could go to hell. Im over here facing inner demons and shit. But seriously FUCK IT! im lonely, not physically but mentally and emotionally. ya know?

Side Note: My birthday is in 9 days !! ; i'll be 18 !!

It's like I cant win.

The phone thing: I went to Walmart and seen what they were offering, so I decided to wait until my 18th Birthday to get the phone. Tihs phone is a blackberry, im thinking its the 'bold' one.

The boy: I noticed a text, that he texted me on Wednesday ..saying he missed me. At this point, im thinking he wants me to be bugging him none stop and im not putting myself in that position. So fuck it.

My glasses: I went on a paid for my glasses, Dana brung them to me. They dont fit and they make me feel like a have a headache. being all blurry and what not. I'll be definitely causing hell tommorrow. On top of that I think they put the prescription on the wrong side or something.

My life outside of the materials: im fat, my weight will not stay down; I mean im not trying. my acne is like only getting worse. My fucking hair is falling out.

Changes im going to make as of Tommorrow:

• wash my face two times a day.
• sleeping witha rag.
• go back running.
• no fast food.
• no soda.

hopefully this work. I want to see some progress by next saturday.

[current song: Maguel - All I want is You]

So that BlackBerry..

hm, seems like something always find its way to fuck up my plans. I went to the Eye Doctors today ..I paid like 150$ up front. Lady told me my full total for my glasses was 367$ ironically my phone that I wanted was 368$ ..I swear to God, shit like this is fucked up. I wanted my phone so bad. I dont even think my check will be more that 370$. So this suck major balls really. Then that's my mom's birthday.

It's like everytime I get so close ..it finds its way to slip away. My happiness is so far away I dont think im going to reach it for about another couple of years.

My weight is disgusting me, Im so fat. Its rediculous. My acne, my teeth, my lonliness ...im depressed deep down.

this beautiful phone... I cant even have.

So Today..

As I was staring outside the window waiting for the customer to give me their money..I came to the conclusion..im going to college, I mean I might just try online college for a while or just wait a couple months and go on campus. I cant do this. I hate seeing people I know come tm my job..it feels so awkward.

The money .. the 8.20 im making is not really good. I mean Im about to be 18 im not goin' out like that. I thought both my sisters took up the easy slots [one having the babies & the other going off to the Marines] So I'll be the one that goes to college. I've been thinking im going to work with children. I love kids, sometimes they arent the best.. but this is more in my alley. I'll feel happier working with children.

Then when he [Keith] finally texted me back, I just went on a deleted his number. Im so done with this bullshit. So whenever I get my new phone ..he will not know my new number and im content with that. Im just going to have to let go and let "the right one" find me.